midlife crisis when the fog lifts

How to shake her from the fog or how to take care of myself. I just let him know the facts do not add up. When I confronted her she said she was depressed and disconnected. Only this week, his counsellor validated my view, stating that in her opinion the OW knew exactly what was going on and was lapping up his adoration. You know he is unreliable. And he is on it a lot more this week which is why I am under the impression they are back speaking. But he hasnt mentioned that in a week and just has been staying here. One of our problems is he thinks i dont like him going out with friends etc, so I have tried very hard to work on that. Not sure why. You just told me not to obsess over her anymore and here I am completely obsessing. Which is what happened at DDay2 for me. Nothing worked or changed him. Remember that as a kid? Sorry for rambling, this has been such an awful day. At this point It seems so far, and thats crazy to me. If thats what he wants then he should go have it, bc I know im better than all of it. How is he rewriting history SO much and saying these things and feeling ok about it? I am so afraid he will feel his life is better without me in it somehow..I dont know HOW WE GOT HERE. Deal with your stress and anxiety in a productive way. I remained calm and steady. I wanted to know if there is a way to contact you via email..? I appreciate it more than you know, as much as it terrifies me to read that you think I need a lawyer, etc. I too feel strongly Im doing the right thing. I know that HE has to be the one to want it, HE has to be the one to want to reconnect with me, I know I cannot make him want that, and any effort to make him want that is only going to push him away. I dont want him to look at us living together as roomates, but right now when were not working on us, thats basically what we are. Read up on the 180. The handwriting was on the wall. First he stayed bc I had a bad cold and he helped through the night with the baby for 2 nights. I know I am a good wife, I know he has loved me TO DEATH until all of this, I know this OW in reality does not hold a candle to me. You need to get strong in your marriage by having self confidence and the willingness to change. Disengage from all of it. Last week I had a suspicion that he was continuing to talk to the OW, and I had a minor blow up. Hi I will love to talk to you since you have already make it to the other side im 6 months from d-day at 1st I was the one waiting to fix things but he was in the fog now he is the one trying to come back but im so hurt.. he is trying to control me and manipulate me with $and our son. But what he doesnt know is that right now I honestly just dont even want him here. Damn, if I could only have had suspicion and investigated. I just think as long as he is with her I cant move forward and why her?? He doesnt want your help. How did you control the Panic Attacks? It would be better to tell him that you love him dearly but you must separate until he decides what he wants 100% commitment to you or else there is no reason to continue being married. Given that you have some assets, you may want to protect them from him. Im just like eye-rolling why now?, after Ive healed enough to completely see a future without him, why now? I am not sure how this works. You can get past this. But yet he is still living the single Life (somewhat) by handing out in the bars with people you dont know, you are not invited or included and he puts very little effort towards your feelings. My CH never said that wanted to leave our marriage, just have fun with somebody else. Or prettier. I believe he would have been totally happy living a double life but I foiled his plan. He said now he know i wasnt love. Desesperate He never saw me with an I dont give a crap attitude towards him before. Now in her 40s she had left it too late to have a baby and it had totally fucked her up. After I got back with him he got trust issues which make me furious. I have no friends or family no job since he never allow me to and with the pandemic lock down I havent had any luck. Ive had a very weird week. Thank you both for your comments of support. I am abnormally sad, like a new low. In one session, Jeffshares his view of the affair fog and how both the betrayed spouse and the unfaithful spouse can deal with it, while we asked questions and shared some of our experiences. I think you are doing the right thing for now. And then the behavior escalated and he was walking out the door. I just cant figure out why Im regressing in my emotional state. Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. But sometimes we dont say much of anything and I usually do my own thing just trying to back off him. I know you are desperate to save your M. I was too. And when she told me they were s seeing each other it explained everything. He still is at the bar everyday after work and comes home at night. They believe this new love is real. Or get him to see his mistakes. With therapy and support and this blog, I have confidence in myself. Valentines Day he gives me a card apologizing for his lack of emotion, his emptiness, unhappiness, etc. Part of me is TERRIFIED that I will start to solely focus on me and the baby and stop asking him questions about what hes up to, and he will take advantage of that and start doing whatever he wants as if hes not married and start to enjoy it and fall more and more out of love with me. The thrill of the affair envelopes the wayward partner in good feelings, and the excitement can be overwhelming. He is still to let me know what his result came up to. I never thought my life could take this kind of turn, and when it took this turn, I NEVER thought that this many months later I would still be in a position of heading towards divorce, when I know thats not what I want, but I fear he will do it just bc he doesnt know how to fix it and doesnt want to right now. He answer negatives, so I guess Ill cling to that! We got into a massive fight prior to me doing the 180, I think i told you about it, and he texted me after saying we have to end this, you are too impatient and youll never be convinced im not talking to that girl.I never asked what he meant by me being impatient, but I think he basically just wants time to decide what he wants. Though I wonder WHY he needs to spend so much time out at bars come on, 4-5 nights a week is excessive. 1. He continued to cheat. Hold your head up and be the best mom and person you can be. Stop focusing on the M. Just know you will be prepared down the road for whatever happens. Now, I know it was for the last several years. Hanging out in bars. Dday2 was a shock but less so b/c I called OW to get answers on why my H was acting so crazy and irrational. Trying to win him back. I demanded a post nup. DO NOT ASK IF HE IS LYING. The typical phrases I hear are Where has the man I married gone to? This is not the man I married What could she possibly be thinking? Its like shes a completely differentperson. as if they were single or not a parent. Yes! And if im there calling the shots. I was stronger when this first started. I didnt really want to talk, I said I didnt feel good and was going to work from home. Rebecca that is so sad. You are tired of living in limbo. In 25 years of M the D words was never used. I am so not ready to go down that road. He says he felt like I controlled everything and everything we did was on my terms and I didnt respect him, etc etc. He said he did not want to b/c he wanted to R. I picked up the phone and told him on X date you will go to a friends house until you find your own place. I need to DO iT. But i do feel like he tests me, does that seem plausible? I feel like they are evidence we did something right. But its also a part of life, schedules, things going on that we should be a part of TOGETHER. Sounds like he knows that he is all you have and takes it for granted. im giving him his freedom, im asking no questions. My CH didnt really seem to be an a fog and just cut all contact with the OW. He is in the babys life. Our life stayed secure. I cant live every single day not knowing where his head is and then have him come here every night like were a family. Also including the fact he carried out other basic lies for so long, I eventually came to the point where I will never be able to believe he was faithful, even though he has never wavered from saying he felt anything for her, he has never admitted to anything I dont have black and white tangible evidence of, such as phone records, just left me feeling that if I cant prove it, I know he wont admit it, honest as he seems to be now. You tell him you know he is lying and that you are expecting this conversation to be honest and truthful. Im so sick of being worried that every day a new bomb is going to drop thats going to make my stomach drop and upset me. Even though I know right now I have every right to if I want to, to see if im being lied to and kick his ass out, but I just am again, TRYING to stick to this 180, and if I can stick to it and somehow show him with my actions that I am doing my own thing, maybe he will become curious. He may be saying Im not talking to the OW but hes not saying who he is talking to until 2 am. I left him but he never stopped contacting me. Wait for him sure. So I demanded the post nup. You are not stopping him from being a cheater/drinker/party boy. Will he EVER come out of this fog he has created or is this just the new reality he has created? I wish we could just have fun, We were for a while there after the separation and now it really just feels so blah. In the last 7 months he has moved out, moved back, moved out again, tried starting over with me, swore to never speak to her, spoke to her, had relations with her, tried to work things out with me, moved out again, etc etc. I want him to know the door is open for him to leave, im not keeping him here. Its as if they become addicted to the affair, needing the constant high it brings, many times with total disregard for the betrayed spouse. It was like pulling teeth but I hung in there. WebMidlife Crisis: When The Fog Lifts, What Happens Next If your partner is going through a midlife crisis, youre probably anxious for signs that theyre coming out of midlife crisis My life has been turned upside down. It peaked my suspicion enough that I went to the cell store and asked for as far back as they could go with detailed logs. The stress and anxiety was hard to face. WTF!! I dont want to be around him. Even though I know right now we are not working on our relationship, we are just kind of co-existing, it is still disrespectful of him if he is speaking to her, and it only continues to put me in a negative light because he just thinks im always around, its like I annoy him. What have I done here?. I dont understand how I can still love someone this deeply after all of these things and how angry I am every single day. It is absolutely limbo and it is HELL. When im starting to think none of this is even about me really. All that said, I feel like my kids need the dad back that they know. It hurts. In reality he was seeing the OW again and he did not believe he needed it. Im removing myself from it, not the baby. But right now it may be too difficult to manage all these decisions. He is being selfish. If you want to be with her then youre going to make that choice and im not going to stand in your way. and he said I was wrong again and I just let it go because I have no proof. I hope you have a counselor or someone you can see to support you. She said she want 6 months.She also tells me how much happier she is with out me. He got really angry and said I dont do anything around the house besides feed the baby and that he could do what I do. Dont hit rock bottom b/c someone in your life has decided THEY are confused and dont know what they want. and she helps a lot. I dont talk to him, but sometimes my emotions get the best of me as Im trying to deal with surviving this entire ordeal and Ill send him a how horrible can you be text message. Everyone thinks im great and we are a fantastic couple so I guess thats good. Thank you for this. Unfortunately I was. What was happening behind my back, I think I could have handled a lot more because you werent walking in and lying to me. And thats fine, I mean I dont even know. Get control over your life and let him see a stronger you. I deserve an award for keeping up that charade for many months. Bc if you thought that you were wrong, I on the other hand have read texts, seen proof, lived through this hELL that doesnt seem to ever go away. Its so much pain. Thank you for your advice Doug. I should just be honest with him and tell him I dont know what to do and where we stand, but im so sick of bringing things up and watching his face just fall in annoyance (sometimes). And then he stopped or curtailed his bar nights. So now the OW wont even allow him to have anything to do with me, including any civil relationship so we can raise our kids. Its 7 years and I still dont do my Hs laundry. But there were 2 things that helped me tremendously. I sleep all the time (well Pot makes me sleep and eat but all I want to do everytime I leave the house is go back and smoke pot and sleep), I was very ambitious and I had all these plans for my career and for us but Ive lost all the zeal. And now im alone in a way, with a baby, with a husband that isnt sure that he wants to be a husband anymore. And the minute I took a stand with my H and told him to leave, there was an immediate change. I have purchased Love Must Be Tough by Dr. James Dobson and am reading through that. show all open windows on taskbar windows 11,

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