OP: I think most people can tell when there is some genuine interest going on. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Don't drop compliments and hit on her, asking how her day is doing is all you should do. He got aggressive with her when he found out I wasnt there, demanding to know where I was and when Id be back. Awkwardness all round. Ive never worked in retail and dont really have the personality where I would feel comfortable asking somebody out first, but I really like these stories! Reply Like #9 Never asked a cashier out , but i allways wanted to ask a female car sales women , how much for a hummer , so far i haven't had the chance..Lew Reply Like You really have to go with your gut, I think. OP think twice, thrice, four times before you do this. Ugh. The only reason Im torn at all is because Ive also heard the stories of people meeting their husbands/wives through these connections. Even when we were together, hed come by to check up on me, hed get a little bit jealous if he saw me talking to other guys. Cookie Notice Hitting on generally is either straight-up propositioning or coming in sideways. We talk every day and meet a few times a week. If "no" seems like it would damage, hurt or invalidate you, get to healthcare and work that out. Its be a nice pick me up for the day. But then even if she says yeah I have to find a way to get her my number quickly. An employee could reasonably feel just as trapped into responding favorably to the polite request for a coffee date as a skeezy come on. Its not flattering, it makes me cringe. Am I the only one remembering Taylor the Latte Boy and Lisa the Stalker Chick songs? (Not that youre Lisa, OP, just that its a humorous musical way of showing how two folks interpreted the same interaction!). People should use common sense caution. Clearly your girlfriend didnt know you were doing it. Haha well I plan on it next time I see her working, but idk her work schedule thats the only thing stopping me. I also made sure none of his co-workers or any customers were nearby. Also regarding not having much time because there's a lineup. Communicating that it's no big deal if she says no shows confidence, and also shows that you haven't been writing romantic poetry thinking about her for the last six months while you have no idea who she is (creepy-creepy) rather you're just interested in getting to know her and have a drink. I suspect answers can be highly different depending on the cultural context. In a bar, she could just turn around and leave, but not here. If done in a non creepy way and they gracefully accepted my no, I would be flattered. It was extremely frustrating. When people tell you over and over again that this behavior is not flattering or OK, replying with Yeah, but *I* wouldnt feel that way is about the opposite of empathy. Its like when people say that women who are catcalled should feel flattered and that theyd personally feel soooo flattered if they had strangers harassing them on the street. OP, are you sure neither of these things area happening here? As someone who has worked in customer service for a long time, I can tell you that it will make many customer service reps very uncomfortable. The supervisor reached out to the safety manager; the safety manager reached out to my department manager; after the safety manager and department manager worked out who the fireman was interested in, my department manager approached my coworker and explained that one of the firemen was interested in asking her out. Hes at work. Try to engage her when you see her, but just minimally. This was an attractive chick asking about his day, a little more than the usual perfunctory interaction. was a customer that I wanted to hit on me! In all seriousness, young and youngish women in customer-service jobs are frequently dealing with a more-0r-less daily barrage of men who interpret smiled at me and was polite as wants me, and it can be exhausting and, yes, scary, since a significant fraction of men dont take a polite no thanks well. As a guy, I dont worry about the woman attacking me or anything but I do think about getting robbed by someone else hiding at her place. how do I avoid mom energy with my younger employees? Sadly due to lack of nametag I do not. - This is a **positive community**. And what do you think about customers asking out your employees? An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Im not saying these were nice guys who decided not to tip if you didnt take the bait, but I couldnt choose who sat in my section I just had to hope they were going to tip me. Its not as dramatic as a manager asking out his employee, but in many retail environments the customer *absolutely* has power over the employee. Site design / logo 2023 Stack Exchange Inc; user contributions licensed under CC BY-SA. I worked in restaurants for years and later on in customer service and sales. I have read most of the answers, but none has found themselves in your situation. At the end of the day, Im with Captain Awkward. And the people who are psychic: youre misunderstanding their friendly customer service smile as interest. Just try not to come off like a creeper if you do ask, and really try to absorb the advice the other commenters have provided. end your doubts about cover letters, all ye who enter here, https://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2011/03/21/mythcommunication-its-not-that-they-dont-understand-they-just-dont-like-the-answer/, http://captainawkward.com/2011/07/04/blanket-statement-monday-stop-hitting-on-the-waitress/, http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2014/06/5-times-shouldnt-approach-women/, http://www.bodyforwife.com/she-doesnt-owe-you-shit/, my company decided to close for 2 weeks last year and charged me a chunk of this years PTO for it, what admin assistants really want from their coworkers, should my spouse have to be background checked for my job, one-way video interviews, and more, my boss keeps asking me to do things that aggravate our community partners, update: my employee wastes a huge amount of everyones time with helpful suggestions and questioning, 8 horror stories for Administrative Professionals Day, HR jokes about firing people, I want to stop giving reasons for my time-off requests, and more. Get their attention by saying something like I was wondering if youd like to grab dinner sometime rather than Will you go out with me? Again, not altruism: it's in our interest; the path to "why not?" Since the store is just 5 min away from my place I visit regularly and don't want to leave a bad impression there. And the corn guy had his own business. When I worked in retail, I probably would have been flattered if someone hit on me but I was a teen boy. Youd be surprised by how many people do misinterpret friendliness for genuine interest. I worked at a coffee shop for a few years so awkward when people would hit on me. If you decide to ignore this advice and try to ask them out, you need to understand that it's highly likely that they aren't into you. Some points of potential special cases. I think people should recognize the difference between hitting on someone (e.g. I didnt know there was a section in Craigslist like that. Ok but, not so single you out Mia, but how is turning someone down politely not being nice to the customer? So whats the best way to ask ehr out or get her number while shes working? Much better, now we've avoided putting her on the spot, we've just slipped her a little bit of intelligence, with no request whatsoever for her to act. What differentiates living as mere roommates from living in a marriage-like relationship? Ive always thought of it more as, Hey, youre someone that seems to be intereseting, and Id like to get to know you better. (Actually, kind of like a job interview in a lot of ways, haha. Thanks, Ive definitely had guys mistake friendliness for flirting so I know what you mean. Now Im wishing I were single, just so I could use Call me, you teapot vending minx as a pickup line! Its my practice since to never pursue workers in service, not that it matters so much now. At my local supermarket, some of the cashiers take smoke breaks near the public the entrance of the supermarket. would come in, sit in your section, chat you up, and if you flirted back they tipped you well but if you didnt, or if you said, I have a boyfriend, you got no tip. +1000. I understand the situation, and if you really want to know her and you think the signs look good, then I suggest go for it. It is important to accept any possible rejection gracefully and stay positive. By engaging the person in a discussion, you can explore their biases and try to clear up any possible misunderstandings. Youre not leaping from someone making your latte to a dinner date, AND youre not forcing them to respond right away, you know, when theyre working. Be very casual about it. Express low-key interest in seeing the person outside of work, give your card/number, and make it clear through your words and actions that you can happily take no for an answer. Or if you know you have a shared interest from the conversations youve had while in the storelike you both do yoga, you could mention that theres this great little yoga class down by the lake that you go to and maybe he should stop by. Agreed. This was in the rural South and I was a very, very closeted gay woman. I'll just assume you're somewhat smart as to not be caught doing this and that you've already made your mind up. The world has always been creepy, you just werent aware of it. Oh, sure. That said I think that the fact that you know it could be awkward speaks well of you, OP. She has never worked a customer service job before so I guess the implications didnt occur to her? TL;DR: I was 1000% sure this guy liked me, I asked him out and found out he didnt. Use a bell on the door to let you know when new customers have arrived, so that you can be sure to greet them promptly. Do NOT make any comments about their physical appearance, that will make it weird forever. and our Is it just me, or are libraries worse than other environments? Ive seen this debated in a number of places around the net over the years. +1. She thought he was attractive and they got on well. How does this answer the OP's question about how to ask a cashier out for a date? And all kinds of stuff in-between. I flirted and flirted with himI mean REALLY laid it on thick and I couldnt figure out why he wasnt responding. Right, this proscription would mean nobody in college would ever go to a party. and in that case, don't answer in a way that creates the expectation. # About Dont drop compliments and hit on her, asking how her day is doing is all you should do. Since your hunch is that she does like you, all you really need to do is open a door. I am a fairly attractive, personable guy and have been asked out by several customers over the years, and its never been a problem. To help us answer, can you edit to give some more detail on the "signs she gave you" which seem promising? Its incredibly uncomfortable to be hit on by a customer who you cant say what you feel to, and theres a really uncomfortably dynamic. And its so true; it can be tricky to know if someone just really likes corn or really likes you. (Funny I mentally blocked that). What should I follow, if two altimeters show different altitudes? My substitute said he was in a suit and had drenched himself in cologne. is it unprofessional to get a tattoo on a work trip? I definitely advocate making any sort of social overture carefully and without undue pressure, I just dont know that I can agree with the voices advocating for blanket ban. Manage Settings Don't look like you're gonna make a scene and attract the attention of her boss! when Im meeting someone new. There's a reason advances are looked down upon in these situations: it's not about the no/yes, it's about the fact that the likelihood of an honest answer being expected or given in such a situation is low, close to impossible. In most smaller towns and villages the cashier or shopkeeper gets to know the local community through their role as shopkeeper or cashier. I mean, aside from the 95% factor, she may have a prior engagement that night, so her failure to appear is not even a rejection, and she doesn't want to worry about you feeling like it was. (disclaimer, Ive never worked any customer-facing position, so maybe Im way off). I used to work retail and used to get both hit on and asked out a lot. This is different, though, from approaching the object of affection. Theres also no way to guarantee itll go smoothly (he could say no, or you could go out and it could be disastrous), so if thats going to keep you from shopping there, youve got to decide which you want more: the possibility of a date with him or the certainty that you can continue comfortably going to that store. I've never seen you before." It's long enough to exchange more than a couple of sentences and gauge interest. There joined a new cashier in my local food product market. Always follow up after the date if you had fun spending time together, even if it was just for one night! If she doesn't drive a conversation on her own initiative then stand down and shrug it off. So, to answer your question if you know that people are male, then refer to them as male: Gentlemen, Sirs, Guys, or whatever suits the occasion best. He didnt, but then I saw him one night at a club and I approached him and the rest is history! Well whats some do's and dont's. Do you think hed be into that? Thats how its been done forfreakingever. Plenty of wise advice already. Now, Im 100% sure this guy would have been an awesome date, and there was nothing threatening or creepy about his approach in fact, if I had any glimmer of interest in men in general, I probably would have taken him up on it. However, I would go about this very, very carefully and only do it if you are more than reasonably sure that he feels the same way. If you were interested in a customer, what would you do about it? Take it easy, look how she reacts and accept it even if she is not interested in you. We ended up going separate ways in life, but he was a total gentleman and excellent +1 while it did last, and I still hold him in high regard years later. Thanks! First, make sure that you are respectful and courteous when asking for I may or may not have drunk texted him after that and needless to say, we never ended up dating. I realized Im just one data point, but I am actually friends with many people who Ive met through work. My dear Internet god, those posters on Craigslist are pathetic. Resin is a vital resource for Conan Exiles players wanting to expand their base and create unlocks. Should I leave a note in case it's busy at her line? This is an advice about how to do it, now keep it mind that people mostly tell you not to do it. It doesnt matter anyway, because it will never ever happen again. It gets so old! Youve got the people who say the waiter seemed friendly, so I gave him my number, and weve been married 30 years now. I've never asked out someone I've had no prior knowledge of and think it would be fun. -signed, every woman who has ever been accused of leading a man on for smiling at him, listening to him, or not appearing immediately repulsed by him. To subscribe to this RSS feed, copy and paste this URL into your RSS reader. Could be Im old-fashioned, but I think asking somebody out can be different than hitting on somebody. The point to all of that is, it is possible to hit on/ask a retail worker out without being creepy. Each party is still evaluating the other.). Be bold with your words if possible but dont be too overt or desperate. I spent time on holidays (and shopping) in Germany, I am familiar with how retail in Germany, in large cities, works. Im married, so I definitely wasnt going to ask out the cute liquor store employee who likes the same kind of beer I like anyway. Id love a womans advice on how to go about this, because I want to do it the right way for both parties involved. I dont want to be reminded on a regular basis that people are thinking of me in a sexual way while Im working. You can still have conversation with them, but don't put her on the spot. Certainly, it can be that way, but to me, Id take being asked out as a form of flattery, even if I wasnt interested. OP here, thank you, and yes Im definitely not interested in objectifying this person or treating him like a piece of meat :). Thank goodness none of them ever tried anything like this, you poor thing! ), then drop it, and to me, its no big deal. * #notallmenobviously, note the qualifier. Flirting doesnt bother me as long as the conversation doesnt get gross or rude. If youre a regular, you can talk to her casually until she gets used to seeing you. You can only do this is you wont be crushed by rejection and you wont be weird the next time you go to the store. How to reinitiate conversations online with stranger taking long to answer my mail. Note that I am not recommending you ask her out, just suggesting a way of making it easier for her to say no without either of you losing face. The employee feels panicked and caught between a rock and a hard place, like he may not be able to turn the customer down without pulling down the wrath of management, and what had been a friendly encounter now turns into a recurring nauseating anxiety. And don't stand somewhere waiting for her to take her smoke break, only do this if you naturally happen to pass by her having one. the expected level of anonymity and dehumanization :-) ) it is probably culturally accepted that if the person in front of you is engaging in conversation with the cashier, you politely wait. The Craigslist Missed Connectios where I live seem to have a lot of men who want to connect with the women who cut their hair, probably because its a longer encounter and there is more chit chat. And I love cheese but dont have any from Spain. I think Aaron indicated clearly that being flattered is tied specifically to an appropriate non-creepy invitation; he didnt suggest that any type of behavior is flattering as long as theres romantic interest. As several others already have replied - it depends where you are and the (as yet) unknown chemistry between you and the cashier. Many, many people have posted here about their experiences working in customer service positions, which require them to be pleasant and nice to customers as part of their paycheck, and how unpleasant and difficult it is to negotiate romantic interest from customers when that power imbalance exists (and particularly when there are people who rely on or even enjoy that power imbalance). I really enjoy talking to you here and Ive thought it might be nice to do it outside of work sometime. I had my co-worker give him a note from me and he did call me up. I must disclose agenda: I want a world where women are inherently safe and empowered. This shouldn't stop you from being nice to the cashier, or the post/tax office girl. Obtaining it can be challenging, but with some guidance and dedication, you, Read More How To Ask A Cashier Out?Continue, Score a volley in FIFA 22 by pressing and holding the shoot button when receiving a coordinated pass near the goal. No one wants to be a creeper. I wanted to ask her out or leave a note but last couple times I get super nervous when I'm about to do it. ( However, I wouldnt give too much info about the places you frequent, just because you dont know him that well. very early in the morning, to find a moment in which the supermarket is emptier than the norm. WebIf a cashier asks out a customer, its easier for the customer to shop at another store or time. He will also talk to you. Idiot. And a lot of the general public gets that mixed up with actual proper social interactions, where both parties can leave the conversation any time they want. Offer to leave your number or contact details so that they can reach out if interested. Does it really matter if the guy is asking her out because hes acutely horny or just anticipates being horny? Heres my number, no pressure if youre not interested. is this situation safe? whenever someone flirts with you. I was 19 and very naive when a customer a few years older asked me out. Its very frustrating. It is often used as an expression of joy which can be used to ask someone out in a fun way! I once had a crush on a guy who worked in retail. Men and women (and women and women, and men and men) have made simple personal connections this way since the beginning of time. I dont regret it though. If the girl laughs, half the work is done. Please have some respect and let me have my JOB as a safe space! Either she's attracted to you, and you create the circumstances where things will happen, or she is not attracted, and you move on. We go on vacation together, we spend holidays and new years together and so on. He was also very cool when I turned him down and he kept coming into the store, albeit maybe a little less frequently, and chit-chatted like nothing had happened (except for my red face because my face is my own worst enemy). So, I'd strongly advise against even doing it this way. He seemed interested until I got a text from him later saying he couldnt make it. How would you guys ask someone out at their work? Put yourself somewhere that she might be out of work. And man did that sting. Q: How can I gain confidence to ask a cashier out? During your conversation with her, mention some place you're planning to be in the future so she can find you there if she chooses. Sadly she wasn't in today when I was. It made me question my behavior and be mad at myself for smiling a lot and just being casual and courteous.
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